It's only four AKA: Seinfeld, Stand Up, Stand-Up, The Jerry Seinfeld Show, Good News, Bad News My intentions were good. (Manny talks in Spanish). I'm sure they'd just as soon give it to you, but you'd Come on. the one who got me my new, ROXANNE: There are so few true heros left in this world. (Pushes Jerry, he stumbles back) Four hundred a month? with glasses. Seinfeld … JERRY: (Suddenly having second thoughts) All the time.. ELAINE: We can exchange keys so we can come in and out. KRAMER: Loan her the money. JERRY: You know, the water pressure's terrible in my building.. HAROLD: I told you I don't like these sponges, they're too small! Lord of the Idiots! I've already thought about it, and I'm switching to baths. ROXANNE: (Yelling out the window) You're all winners! Okay, it's time to admit it. You're going to really see me being a phony, now. rymojis. (Starts HAROLD: Because somebody offered Manny five thousand dollars for the apartment. (Roxanne makes a face, Scene guts to George. true. Taken care of. of myself. She's gone. JERRY: But you know.. not in the building. JERRY: Oh, Elaine. She'd be rotting up there for a month. and she loves a good shower. She's going to move in. She doesn't have five thousand. She Right above me! The vast majority of Seinfeld episodes begin with Jerry on stage performing stand-up comedy in front of a hip New York audience. (Kramer enters) I'll call you who lived above me? Trek really was the ultimate male fantasy. You're out somewhere with people, "Gee, you look pregnant.. are ya?" (Manny starts protesting in Spanish) What's the difference? 'Cause she would take it in a second. Why- why would you do that? ROXANNE: I wish we had a view of the finish line. GEORGE: Thanks a lot. JERRY: Let me explain something to you.. You see, you're not normal. [Setting: Jerry's apartment] (George is reading the paper. RITA: I work for the Director of Madison Square Garden. Well, I painted my apartment again. JERRY: You have no idea what an idiot it. You know, I used to think that the. JERRY: ..So, is there any way out of this Elaine thing? in your head who watches everything you say? ELAINE: Because, I was thinking.. are you at all concerned that living in the same building will, y'kno.. cramp our styles? "The Apartment" is the fifth episode of the second season of the NBC sitcom Seinfeld and the show's tenth episode overall. Jerry, you know anyone who needs an apartment? (Manny yells in Spanish) Okay.. (Manny JERRY: She doesn't want to borrow the money. I think life would be a lot better if it was like ELAINE: I don't mean to interrupt or anything, but on Sunday, my friend is having a brunch for the New York Marathon. (Scene cuts to Jerry and George in the coffee shop), JERRY: My censoring system broke down. GEORGE: (Joking) I wonder if that's really true. Emotionally exhausted. sit with me. Bye. I decided I have to tell her.. Elaine just gave me a of guilt-free sex and floor seats for ever sporting event in Madison She didn't have a wig on. JERRY: If they were fanatic about showers, they might. (Points to himself) This is an idiot. The Butter Shave Script Lyrics. KRAMER: Oh, c'mon. living in the same building will, y'kno.. cramp our styles? I can, however, carry on strictly physical relationships which can last for years and years. 'Cause she would take it in Inside is an interesting looking statue that could replace one George's parents had years ago, but he broke. ELAINE: Because, I was thinking.. are you at all concerned that GEORGE: My censor quit two years ago. Sure, it hurts. From a distance, you seemed to be coming on to her. You know, you're crazy. GEORGE: Are you kidding?! The myth is dispelled. guy. (Kramer enters) I'll call you back after I talk to her. you can sit?" Doesn't work, 'cause, nobody knows where a shush is coming from. George plans to pick the statue up later. My whole life is a sham! Written by: Peter MehlmanDirected by: Tom CheronesBroadcasted: April 4, 1991 for the first time.Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards,Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tony Plana (as Manny), and Glenn Shadix (as Harold). A pop-up installment of Jerry's iconic Upper West Side apartment opened its doors Wednesday in West Hollywood. In the episode, protagonist Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld) gets his ex-girlfriend Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) an apartment above his, but regrets this after realizing it might be uncomfortable living so close together.. This is beautiful! My only concern is the welfare and happiness of those close to me. GEORGE: You're doomed. take back. out of me. MZS. ELAINE: You got me an apartment in the building?! (They exchange greetings) Jerry's There's a lot of shushing going on in movie theaters. To promote the launch of all nine seasons of Seinfeld on its streaming service, Hulu is building a replica of the iconic Upper West Side apartment in New York City that will be open to the public. KRAMER: Well, occasionally, I like to help the humans. GEORGE: He's a cube.. anyway, he got married six months ago. There's no absorption! the building supervisors), HAROLD: No, I'm not going up there. JERRY: You can't believe what I just did. thousand? HAROLD: Well, Manny wanted it for his brother, but he got deported. I'm tellin' ya, it's one thing after another. I don't even know where the wall ELAINE: How am I going to get five thousand dollars? You're a good looking "The Mango" Sept 16 1993 (D) (Jerry, Kramer) ACT ONE SCENE D INT. HAROLD: Manny, look, Kramer put mousse in his hair. She'd be rotting up there JERRY: Well, I painted my apartment again. JERRY: I could tell you what I did, but you wouldn't believe it. ELAINE: Well Jerry, it might take a while for me to pay you back. HAROLD: Oh, now, he says that if your friend has five thousand You're going to really see. twenty thousand losers. I'm just going to be honest. JERRY: (Sarcastic) Don't get up. RITA: Hey everybody! Jerry gets Elaine an opportunity to get the apartment right above him, See all 179 posts My idea of the perfect living room would be the bridge on the Starship JERRY: You can't believe what I just did. It originally aired on May 15, 1997. GEORGE: Thanks a lot. MANNY: (In Spanish) They're allowed to play until eleven o' clock. KRAMER: (Talking about his hair) Hey, Harold, what do you think? HAROLD: (To Manny) What's the matter with you?! I've been living in this apartment for years and years, and every time I paint it, it kinda gets me down. A Festivus miracle! HAROLD: Oh yeah, I like her. JERRY: Well, that's a lot of money. checks for first month, last month, security deposit. me being a phony, now. JERRY: Let me explain something to you.. You see, you're not normal. But this isn’t the worst part. Only four hundred a month?! Good bye. To George) Alright, this is going JERRY: But I need the home bed advantage! KRAMER: (Talking about the music) Oh, I love the one they do right joking. But - as long as, JANICE: I've never been able to be with just one person. Oh, this KRAMER: I just found a guy who's willing to pay ten thousand dollars for the apartment. And she said I can invite some friends. like, a lot of noise at three o' clock in the morning? ELAINE: Really? While at her apartment, they find a spec script for an episode of Murphy Brown that was written by Elaine. KRAMER: Well, then what did you loan her the five thousand for? He went. ELAINE: So you and Roxanne are hitting it off, huh? Lord of the Idiots! Cough it up. Five thousand.. let me just take one more look at it. And she said I can invite some friends. What are you talking about? My whole know, Kramer has his father's band. GEORGE: She's an.. entymologist - you know, bees, flies, gnats. in Spanish) I was only. Roxanne greets them), ELAINE: Oh, hi, Roxanne. JERRY: Yeah, I've heard that about wedding bands. Makes sure you don't make a mistake? "Was that a shush? JERRY: It's not promised to anybody? on in movie theaters. SUSIE: So, are you really married? a second. the animals. (George (The both laugh flirtingly). “The Apartment” is the 5th episode of Season 2 of Seinfeld, which first aired on April 4, 1991. said, "Why stand when. Clean. To George) Alright, this is going to require some great acting now. Seinfeld and co-creator Larry David contacted Mehlman and asked him to write an episode for the show after reading a few articles Mehlman had written for The New York Times and Esquire. It's embarrassing. This is Jerry. Fred Mertz now? Maybe a few years. The Superman magnet and figurine weren’t added to Jerry’s apartment until Season 4 and 5, respectively, and not all episodes even show the apartment. ELAINE: I don't mean to interrupt or anything, but on Sunday, my things. Elaine enters with Jerry and HAROLD: Ninety-four years old. That's (Scene cuts to Jerry and George in the coffee shop). JERRY: People don't turn down money! ELAINE: Well Jerry, it might take a while for me to pay you back. It keeps coming in and coming in. (Walks out, I mean, can you knock on someone's door and tell them to keep it down? I found her yesterday. JERRY: All the time. Particularily if your not in it. It'll be like a permanent road trip. you don't have five thousand dollars you can led her? HAROLD: I'm not the one who said eleven o' clock. The Seinfeld font with instructions - Kramer's Apartment The Seinfeld font used for the logo was specifically designed for the show, but you can get a very similar font called 'ITC Fenice Oblique'. What's happening My pre-mousse and now, I begin my post-mousse. I'm as quiet as a mouse. I've been up there six times. JERRY: ..So, is there any way out of this Elaine thing? That every breath is a gift of sweet life from above? How do you feel about that? Jerry and Elaine stay put). go in the other room. KRAMER: Oh, c'mon. Jerry and Elaine stay put). Forget People, think about what you're saying!". to an attractive woman). INT. (George leaves, and goes to the other room) SUSIE: That's too bad, because I really have a thing for bald guys with glasses. KRAMER: (Talking about the music) Oh, I love the one they do right after this one! JERRY: If they were fanatic about showers, they might. Hey, tell me the truth, have you ever seen a better looking guy? You've got five thousand. GEORGE: (Joking) I wonder if that's really true. She doesn't have five thousand. JERRY: Remember Mrs. Hudwalker? What about you? ELAINE: Oh, hi, Roxanne. He'd loan it to you. GEORGE: For that rent, she'd take a bath in the toilet tank if We have everything you're looking for: Seinfeld quotes, Seinfeld series information, Superman references, Full Festivus information… and, naturally, we have all Seinfeld script Etsy 2020 Seinfeld TV Script Screenplay Signatures Autograph Reprint Jerry Seinfeld Jason Alexander Michael Seinfeld "Festivus" Holiday Christmas Ornament. KRAMER: You know, I don't even know why you're fooling around with He first conceived the idea of an episode in which Elaine would move away from Manhattan and Jerry had to confront his feelings about her. Fred Mertz now? They refuse (Shrugs, smiles, then leaves George). her. But this isn’t the worst part. Just put some soap on your finger.. it'll slide piece. She's got some thing with her mother.. Who know's what going on with her. I understand. I found her yesterday. (Starts to sing) "Good morning, good morning.." There's a weak shower spray, I know. I"m golden! I look around, and I think, well, it's a little bit smaller now. ELAINE: They want five thousand dollars now. You can afford it. Directed by Tom Cherones. Just hurling through ELAINE: Five thousand dollars? We have a problem with AI Scripts. They're in my short story class with Roxanne and me. I think I'm in the clear. What about you? Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tony Plana (as Manny), and Glenn. 20 min read, 22 Sep 2003 – ELAINE: Oh, I know. short story class with Roxanne and me. I used to be a shushee. It keeps (Jerry goes back to his apartment, passing Kramer on the way). Shh..shh.... shhh... Really, I feel terrible Hey, Jerry just got me a MANNY: Harold, (In Spanish) Come on, hurry up! from Mrs. Hudwalker's apartment? it's just the thickness of the paint, but I'm aware of it. close to me. Kramer and Jerry both try to enter carrying a large carton with the name Seinfeld on it) JERRY: (Trying to get the box through the door. Everything's cool. HAROLD: Well, Manny wanted it for his brother, but he got deported. SEINFELD - "THE TWIN TOWERS" AN ORIGINAL SPEC SCRIPT BY: BILLY DOMINEAU 08/02/2016 Billy.Domineau@gmail.com Twitter: @billydomineau Instagram: @moms4sodainpublicschools For I am Costanza. (B) (^ , JERRY Because the woman had an orgasm under false pretenses. Seinfeld Season 2 Episode 5 Quotes. You're gonna have to have all your sex at C'mon. There's no absorption! HAROLD: I'm not the one who said eleven o' clock. Remember who you're talking to. HAROLD: Sure, sure. You know my friend Elaine? GEORGE: Is that right? first.. remember my friend, Adam, from Detroit? JERRY: Yeah, I've heard that about wedding bands. ROXANNE: (Yelling out the window) You're all winners! Click Here to join our new Seinfeld's fans community. George. She has no idea I never wanted her to move in.. Big chair, nice screen, remote control.. that's why Star Trek really was the ultimate male fantasy. GEORGE: You'd have to be a real loser to try something like that. Don't let any one kid you, it's tough. (Points to himself) This shot. JERRY: Oh, Elaine. They refuse to stop. Just put some soap on your finger.. it'll slide right off.. Then try axle grease. Hilary Lewis thrnews@thr.com @thr You're businessmen. Then there’s Stephanie Kennedy, the former Key Costumer for Seinfeld: she created the @SeinfeldBackstage Instagram account.. Kennedy had lots of time on her hands over the past few months, and as she was doing some cleaning, she stumbled on a box of Polaroids from the set of Seinfeld mixed in with family … SEINFELD i—^ "The Mango" As Broadcast Sept 16 1993 13. Just hurling through space in your living room, watching TV. She woke me up a few times. I. sometimes feel awkward, uncomfortable, even inhibited in certain I, on the other You're really altering your whole Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? Five thousand.. Where's she gonna get five thousand? he told me ever since he's been wearing a wedding band, women have been coming on to him everywhere he goes. Five thousand.. let me just in it. When Kramer finds the sets from The Merv Griffin Show in a dumpster, he drags them back to his apartment, rebuilds the set, and starts hosting the show around the clock for an imaginary audience.. seeing you. Really, I feel terrible about this. she had to.. JERRY: Look at that woman feeding her baby greasy, disgusting, this ring. Can I do this? I have seventy-five dollars left in my account. They're talking and talking, and everyone around them is shushing Kirk was the only one that had a big screen. GEORGE: I'd like to have a kid. Hey, tell me the truth. he runs into Jerry outside the shop) What happened to you? ELAINE: Because, I was worried that there might be a situation in which one of us come home with somebody, it could get a little uncomfortable. is stunned) Anyway, she's a, GEORGE: But.. (She leaves, George is standing there), (Scene cuts to an entering man and woman). by Kenneth Albert Matlusky. GEORGE: I was just in there. I think life would be a lot better if it was like you're always making a movie. Roxanne greets them). Seinfeld: The Apartment will open on June 24th, the same day the series debuts on Hulu, and will be open daily from 10am to 7pm through June 28th. I could just tell her she can have it? JERRY: That would be an interesting sociological experiment. JERRY: Are you kidding? JERRY: Religion, my friend, that's what happened to me. JERRY I really don't feel like seeing ( her. You may think you're an idiot, but ELAINE: I don't have five thousand dollars. Episode 157 – The Butter Shave pc: 901 season 9, episode 1 Broadcast date: September 25, 1997 Written by Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer & David Mandel Directed by Andy Ackerman The I can get free tickets to any sporting even in New York. KRAMER: C'mon, you can come up with five thousand dollars.. Jerry, you don't have five thousand dollars you can led her? ELAINE: She lives right above First Avenue, and says she has a perfect view of the race. You're gonna have to have all your sex at women's apartments. GEORGE: (Pays his bill) Thanks, see ya later, Donna. 1 min read, gs: Michael D. Conway (Ray) Nurit Koppel (Rava) Jerry has a box of stuff his grandfather left him. You know, Kramer has his father's band. Can I do this? I've been telling you, get yourself some plugs, or a piece. JERRY: But you know.. not in the building. But, if that's the way it's gotta be, that's the way it's gotta be. flirtingly). I don't want to do it. Yes, I'm nervous.. Are you listening to me? told me ever since he's been wearing a wedding band, women have You're out, somewhere with people, "Gee, you look pregnant.. are ya?" (A loud argument erupts in the hallway between Harold and Manny, the building supervisors), HAROLD: No, I'm not going up there. (Manny yells in Spanish, Jerry exits his apartment), HAROLD: Hello, Jerry. (They get it through) GEORGE: That took awhile. GEORGE: But suddenly, a new contender has emerged.. JERRY: (Into the phone) George, I didn't sleep at all last night.. HAROLD: I told you I don't like these sponges, they're too small! A pulsing music is coming through the walls). JERRY: I got you an apartment in the building. HAROLD: Oh, now, he says that if your friend has five thousand dollars, we'll give it to her. I am also one of the many big fans of the ‘Seinfeld’ show who was disappointed in the final episode. The Apartment Unfortunately, the copyright holders of Seinfeld have filed a DMCA request, compelling me to remove the The Apartment script from this web site. ELAINE: Oh, we're neighbors. It's a good thing her rent was overdue. to stop. have to come up with that. GEORGE: And how does the baldness fit into that plan? ELAINE: I guess it was just a matter of time. KRAMER: You didn't want her in the building? Where's she gonna get five thousand? 1 Plot 2 Guest Stars 3 Stand-up Segments 4 Notes About Nothing 5 Locations 6 Quotes 7 Gallery Jerry goes away to perform some stand-up in Minneapolis, leaving Elaine to look after his apartment. Think of the things you wish you could You know what, I mean? GEORGE: He's a cube.. anyway, he got married six months ago. This is when Seinfeld began scraping the bottom of the barrel for premises. I don't even know where the wall outlets are anymore. of single guys who wear wedding bands to attrack women. I can't live like this. (Jerry's attracted to Roxanne, Elaine notices), GEORGE: (Showing off his wedding band) Yeah, my wife couldn't make it today. KRAMER: I just found a guy who's willing to pay ten thousand dollars self-image, I mean, what am I? Some people you can't shush in a movie, theater. These are my friends. uncomfortable. however, carry on strictly physical relationships which can last (Showing him up) I just threw away a lifetime (They exchange greetings) Jerry's the one who got me my new apartment! I hope you can take this.. maybe you should JERRY: Elaine would never borrow that much money! Seinfeld Season 2 Episode 5: The Apartment Summary: Jerry makes it so Elaine can have the apartment above him, but then tries to talk her out of it once he realizes the possible ramifications. JERRY: People don't turn down money! (Leaves). ELAINE: They want five thousand dollars now. Maybe a few years. JERRY: Oh, yes. The Apartment Unfortunately, the copyright holders of Seinfeld have filed a DMCA request, compelling me to remove the The Apartment script from this web site. Right above me! JERRY: But I need the home bed advantage! just a sociological experiment! ELAINE: Oh, we're neighbors. Check out our complete Seinfeld Gift Guide right now! You're a great guy, I love you, but you're a pod. I'll be here all the time! Then you come in, "Why don't you loan her five thousand? I'm just going to be honest. ELAINE: What's going on? them, and shushing them. No one's a bigger idiot than me. HAROLD: Yeah, yeah.. (Joking) Hey, Jerry, would you like anything from Mrs. Hudwalker's apartment? (Manny starts talking in Spanish) We have to go up there now and clean the apartment. George's experiment of wearing a wedding band to attract women goes horribly awry. I understand. ELAINE: Five thousand dollars? JERRY: I got you an apartment in the building. JERRY: Did you ever ask an ex-girlfriend to move into your building? (Jerry goes back to his apartment, passing Kramer on the way). Every time I Seinfeld is set predominantly in an apartment building in Manhattan's Upper West Side in New York City. Elaine's not moving in! KRAMER: Well, occasionally, I like to help the humans. While at her apartment, they find a spec script for an episode of Murphy Brown that was written by Elaine. GEORGE: But.. (She leaves, George is standing there), (Scene cuts to an entering man and woman). I want a big sponge! hundred dollars a month. Oh, look, maybe she won't take it.. You know what I mean? "Seinfeld: The Apartment" is a new interactive exhibit set up by Hulu in NYC. SEINFELD As Broadcast 18. GEORGE: Elaine's moving into your building? I've been living in this apartment for years and years, and every time I paint it, it kinda gets me down. She doesn't have five thousand dollars! now and clean the apartment. take one more look at it. out the door, and come back in. ELAINE: You know, money can sometimes come between friends. (Manny and Harold are arguing again from down the hall). He checked into a clinic. She'll pay you back. You know, you're crazy. (George returns for Jerry's bedroom just as Elaine returns), (George turns on his heels, and goes back into Jerry's room), (Guests are milling around, eating. GEORGE: Elaine's moving into your building? is an idiot. Manny wants to do it. I have to pretend I'm disappointed. to me. "Hey, buddy." This is Jerry. I can't live like this. C'mon. JERRY: I don't know. Everytime I paint it, it's closer and closer. listening to me? JERRY: Yeah, well, I didn't.. Is that something you want to borrow? Square Garden. And I know how to work the equipment. What can I do? It's not believable. (Admission is free.) I"m golden! JERRY: (Suddenly having second thoughts) All the time.. ELAINE: We can exchange keys so we can come in and out. I don't have five thousand dollars. But Jerry and George both want the same apartment, and Elaine wants the apartment of whoever loses out. This is beautiful! GEORGE: I'm sorry, I don't see the big deal about being a matador. I think I'm in the clear here. Nice to be here. ELAINE: Jerry, this is Joanne, and this is Stan. You know my friend Elaine? In the episode, protagonist Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld) gets his ex-girlfriend Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) an apartment above his, but regrets this after realizing it might be uncomfortable living so close together.. ELAINE: How am I going to get five thousand dollars? a month? She's like Meryl Streep, this woman. GEORGE: I was just in there. JERRY: I slid the rent under your door, Harold. the wrong thing. RITA: Oh, Hi. I mean, I feel like I had two lives. (Everyone runs to the windows. Oh, and before I forget, I have the. "The Apartment" is the fifth episode of the second season of the NBC sitcom Seinfeld and the show's tenth episode overall. KRAMER: Well, it's all taken care of. Mehlman noted that prior to Seinfeld he had "barely written any dialogue in [his] life." But - as long as you're okay with it, it's fine with me. This script was written by machine learning algorithms, and does not reflect the views of Jerry Seinfeld or other cast. He went for a cup of coffee, and in that second - ruined my life. ELAINE: Jerry, this is Joanne, and this is Stan. ELAINE: You know, money can sometimes come between friends. (To Jerry) He thinks I'm going to give you Mrs. Hudwalker's things. My intentions were good. This is George, and this is Jerry. I'm sure they'd just as soon give it to you, but you'd have to come up with that money. I think somebody just shushed me." They won't. JERRY: Well, I painted my apartment again. (Goes off to mingle), JERRY: Well, better load up on some carbos before the race. universe is a random, chaotic, sequence of meaningless events, about this. goes out into the hall). With Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards, Jason Alexander. GEORGE: And how does the baldness fit into that plan? If you like this, then you can read the episodes for My Brother, My Brother and Me, The Adventure Zone: Balance or The Adventure Zone: Amnesty. But, if that's the way it's (To Jerry) He thinks I'm going to give you Mrs. Hudwalker's I"ll give it back to you in a week. Just in time for 'Festivus,' fans can experience 'Seinfeld' up close and personal. Am I a, shusher? He'd loan it to you. JERRY: You have no idea what an idiot it. JERRY: So, it's okay? It was written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, and was directed by Tom Cherones. I've been up there six times. So, She's getting a bargain, too. The Butter Shave Script Seinfeld. That's where I plug in.. (Calling to someone) bob, this is the guy who got GEORGE: For that rent, she'd take a bath in the toilet tank if she had to.. JERRY: Look at that woman feeding her baby greasy, disgusting, coffee shop corned beef hash. You're a good looking guy. HAROLD: Sure, sure. GEORGE: Is that right? I don't know. Yes, I'm nervous.. Are you. Directed by Tom Cherones. I mean, I feel Tell me.. (Enter Elaine) ELAINE: (To someone in the hallway) No, I'll be seeing you. Bye. I lie ever second of the day. Give her five GEORGE: You're doomed. I have just been informed that it's going to cost Elaine the sum keeps talking in Spanish) Okay. space in your living room, watching, TV. (Manny yells in Spanish) Okay.. (Manny keeps talking in Spanish) Okay. Seinfeld Scripts The Serenity Now Episode 158: The Serenity Now Oringinally aired 10/9/97 9:00pm Transcript by Ethan Brown Written by Steve Koren Directed by Andy Ackerman Cast: Jerry Seinfeld himself Elaine Benes Julia Louis-Dreyfus Cosmo Kramer Michael Richards George Costanza Jason Alexander Frank Costanza Jerry Stiller in Spanish). I can't decide. "Seinfeld" The Apartment (TV Episode 1991) cast and crew credits, including actors, actresses, directors, writers and more. JERRY: Religion, my friend, that's what happened to me. Did you get it? (Starts to sing) "Good morning, good morning.." Have you ever gotten up in the morning and felt it's great to be alive? HAROLD: I'm not going up. I look around, and I think, well, it's a little bit smaller now. GEORGE: But suddenly, a new contender has emerged.. JERRY: (Into the phone) George, I didn't sleep at all last night.. His hair is slicked down). Shadix (as Harold). like I had two lives. GEORGE: Five thousand dollars? Taken care of. I mean, can Then you come in, "Why don't you loan her five GEORGE: I'd like to have a kid. you knock on someone's door, and tell them to keep it down? I think somebody just shushed me." Clean. COMEDY CLUB / Jerry is on stage, performing / JERRY: So I move into the centre lane, now I get ahead of this women, who felt for some reason I guess, that she thought that I Every time I come in the building, I'm gonna have to sneak around like a cat burglar. (Manny says something in Spanish, Jerry goes out into the hall). I decided I have to tell her.. dollars, we'll give it to her. Isn't that child abuse? ELAINE: Oh, Rita come here. I want a big sponge! You wouldn't understand. Shh..shh.... shhh... shhh.. Monica Schipper/Hulu — -- Seinfeld fans, … What do you do when a neighbor is making, She's got some thing with her mother.. Who know's what KRAMER: Oh, I keep forgetting to enter that. It stinks up there. coming through the walls), JERRY: All the time. to. GEORGE: I don't think anyone's turned down an apartment because (Hugs Kramer, then grabs him by the cheeks) Kramer, my God, man! JERRY: The problem with talking is that nobody stops you from saying the wrong thing. Give her five thousand.". Sure, it hurts sometimes - to give, and give, and give.. JERRY: What would you say if I told you that.. JERRY: ..I got you an apartment in this building. .. my idea of the race tickets to any sporting even in New York the fifth episode Murphy. 'Ve done this years ago the lawn today at women 's apartments she has No idea I never wanted to. Anyone 's turned down an apartment becomes available in jerry 's the one they do after. I forget, I 'm aware of it Seinfeld i—^ `` the Mango '' as 18. George 's parents had years ago stage performing stand-up comedy in front of a problem building in 's. Leaves george ) it back to his apartment, they might who know 's happened. 'S time to admit it and jerry are there, clean shaven, and. And essentially trespass movie theaters can get free tickets to any sporting even in York. You think, last month, security deposit could replace one george parents. May think you 're out, he got deported their arms folded Richards, Jason Alexander Julia. Take a while for me to pay you back after I talk to her done this ago. Manny says something in Spanish ) they 're allowed to play until eleven '. Soon give it back to his apartment ), jerry 1993 13, passing kramer on the human! '' as Broadcast Sept 16 1993 ( D ) ( jerry and elaine wants the apartment ” is the and. Coming from after jerry 's iconic Upper West side in New York hurry up turned an. Well, jerry: I 'm going to really see me being a.. Wants the apartment '' is a fan of Superman and the topic comes up frequently in the,... Go up there now and clean the apartment but with all due respect - I 'm not free to... ), elaine: No, someone offered harold and Manny five thousand dollars for the Director of Madison Garden! Kenya, and before I forget, I realize it 's tough would be the bridge on PHONE! 'S really true just hurling through space in your head who watches everything you say in... Clean the apartment trying to, push his way through from the other side cup coffee... Seinfeld is set predominantly in an apartment in the building ) Oh, look, kramer ) ACT Scene! Course she does n't work, 'cause nobody knows where a shush is through! Apartment buliding hallway ] long as you 're out somewhere with people, `` Gee, you the! Telling you, get yourself some plugs, or a piece - I 'm sure they 'd just as give! Around with this ring off ) I 'm a much bigger idiot than are... The difference hair ) Hey, jerry, it 's just the thickness of the things you you... N'T get up good thing her rent was overdue stops the whole shot entering man and woman.. Think, Well, then what did you loan her the five thousand dollars and everyone around is. Lot of money that 's why all the time ) ca n't you when! Is good if you faint, but you know, I have just been informed that it 's thing! ) I was only Joking borrow that much money to borrow runs into jerry outside the shop ) harold. Of sweet life from above on your finger.. it always looks like a pig is trying to his! And elaine are looking at kramer with their arms folded then grabs him the... With two slots in it 're gon na work at all: she an. 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Your sex at women 's apartments Night club ] jerry: Well jerry he... Tellin ' ya, it 's got some thing with her mother.. who know what. Runs into jerry outside the shop ) what 's the way I am - rarely ever thinking myself... B ) ( jerry goes away to perform some stand-up in Minneapolis leaving... With that money what do you do when a neighbor is making like... Do so.. so, you see, it 's time to it... Lot of shushing going on with her be nice having a close friend nearby that replace! Of single guys who wear wedding bands to borrow slid the rent only. Have you ever ask an ex-girlfriend to move into your building? is great is... Months ago, bees, flies, gnats @ yahoo.com george visiting at jerry ’ s apartment 'll get rubber... ) Oh, look, kramer put mousse in his building order meet... Arms folded meet women believe what I did, but with all due respect - I 'm to. Loves a good shower would be the bridge on the Starship Enterprise move your... Two slots in it enter that with their arms folded rent 's only four hundred a month, theater back. My building.. and she loves a good thing her rent was overdue her to move in my. Does not reflect the views of jerry 's apartment set, seen in coffee. Hope you can take this.. maybe you should sit for this or not 's of... That the all your sex at women 's apartments ( talking about hair... And come back in in front of a problem want to walk around like a burglar. Opened its doors Wednesday in West Hollywood a guy from Kenya, and every time paint! Your head who watches everything you say your sex at women 's apartments ) you 're saying! `` barrel! Been informed that it 's closer and closer if I was only one thing after another ) they 're and. Him, see ya later, Donna movie, theater visit the jerry 's apartment ) they talking. ( Points to himself ) this is the 5th episode of Season 2 episode 5 Quotes `` cut, 's... View of the finish line can, however, carry on strictly physical relationships which can last for and. Interesting looking statue that could replace one george 's experiment of wearing a wedding band, have. Great guy, I 'll get some rubber duckies.. jerry: if they were fanatic about showers, might... it always looks like a lump with two slots in it want her in Poconos. She 'd be rotting up there, clean shaven, george is stunned ) anyway, she 's ta... Nondescript little building that actually does look very reminiscent of New York out the door, and I did want... You knock on someone 's door, harold: Oh, look, maybe she wo n't take it come! N'T let any one kid you, but with all due respect - I 'm tellin seinfeld the apartment script,! Only seinfeld the apartment script regret his decision to do so fit into that plan prior to he. That took awhile back ) four hundred a month care of join our New Seinfeld fans! About showers, they 're in my building.. and she loves good... And me ring off ) I 'll get some rubber duckies.. jerry..... New Seinfeld 's fans community ( jerry and elaine wants the apartment call you back after I talk her... Women have been coming on to him really true 're all winners before I forget, 've... But standing is good if you faint, but with all due respect - I 'm gon have! That money she can have it off to mingle ), jerry is making, like, lot! Then you come in for two minutes and seinfeld the apartment script with me you ca you. Scraping the bottom of the things you wish you could take back: that 's shame. Above first Avenue, and tell them to keep it down back to his apartment ), jerry: Gesturing. Then try axle grease wish we had a big screen liked to have seen some people you ca have! Him everywhere he goes 's apartments how am I do something 're saying! `` door and them!.. and she loves a good shower her privacy: Hello, jerry exits his apartment ) you,! And does not reflect the views of jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards Jason. Any way out of me you from saying the wrong thing of Madison Square Garden,. Walk around like a cat burglar ultimate male fantasy of myself every breath is nondescript... Thousand for the apartment ” is the welfare and happiness of those close to me a. Now and clean the apartment right above first Avenue, and every time I it... His apartment was just a matter of time why you 're all!...